WTF

So I have this friend
Or should I say "had"
He was my best friend
I divulged my deepest thoughts, feelings, and secrets to him
Though I only knew him for a short time I felt like I knew him all my life
We had almost everything in common
I talked to him daily
He give me sound advice, he was there when I needed him to be
He was the perfect friend
He made me feel special, appreciated, and loved
And now

Now

There's nothing..no indication that we were ever friends
He just stopped
It was like flipping a switch
It's not like we had a fight or some type of disagreement
He just fell off and I don't know why
He said he was doing his own thing so I gave him space to do it
I thought he'd come back around when he did whatever needed to be done. But he didn't
And there's nothing
And it hurts beyond compare
And enrages me just as much
How do I fix this
What is this to fix
I feel betrayed and used
Like I was some place holder until other ppl started acting right again.
I'm not a fuckin place holder
I'm beyond that and if he doesn't know that then fuck him
Or maybe that's not the case
How am I to know that?? So I'm left to believe whatever theory my brain develops and that's never a positive theory
This is beyond apologies
And beyond my comprehension

I don't get paid enough for this

Why did the chicken cross the road??
To get away from KFC.

I feel like that's how it is @ work these days
Peoples minds are fried like eggs
And going ham everyday
It's been like this since the snow storm
The third one that is
39 of us had to stay that night
Let some stranger tell you about it and it will seem like we were drunk high runnin around naked and havin orgies in the stairwell.
This is false
Yes 6 of us knocked a few back and we were alittle loud
But there was no weed or sex and everyone was fully clothed
It was actually someone in housekeeping that was falling down drunk not foodservice
But that doesn't matter
One rumor turns into too many vicious lies.
These lies can't be proved
But our big boss will be tired of hearing about them so tired that we all could burn for it
This makes ppl nervous
And they do stupid things when they're nervous.
Hince the problems that are happening now
Stupidity mixed with bitches that can't keep their mouths shut.
If we could just have a meeting in the kitchen and tell everyone to keep their mouths shut then maybe it would be better
Unlikely
No matter
As long as they don't fuck with my clinicals

I think our kitchen needs a reality show..
Seriously
Time to do research on that

That is all

2009's Full circle

This yr has been very hectic when it came to my personal life. So much has happened. I've learned a lot about others and myself. I know what I want and what I won't put up with. I know what I desire and what I require.
Yet sadly, I end this year alone.
So much for my wants and needs
So much for my hopes and expectations
So much for love...

Perhaps I should use 2009 as a blueprint for what to do and not to do. Maybe I should scrap it, write it off.
But I can't write off my feelings like that
So I shall reflect with my keyboard
I'm gonna do a synopsis of my personal life of 2009
I don't care who reads it and what ppl will take from it
Because it's not about them or for them
It's for me
So let's take it from the top

Timothy
I've blogged and talked and yelled about this situation until I was blue in the face. So to get down to it..I thought we be in a different place right about now
Last yr this time I thought we'd be together
But I'm glad we're not
I loved him..not as much as he wanted me to
O well, you can't force love
And essentially that's what he trying to get me to do
So things fell apart
He started saying some things, acting certain ways
I retaliated
We are all wrong
Tried to make amends numerous times
Still nothing
And that's what it is now, nothing
I dont care about him at all
Whatever love that was there is long gone
That's not a grudge or bitterness or resentment
That's my opinion of him as a person
He's just not someone I want to know

Milton
It was just sex
The sooner he realizes that the better
Hell it's almost been a yr since the last time
Yet he's still around
Asking for a relationship
But I can't be with him because he's not faithful
How do I know that?
Because he was with me when he and his ex were still together.
So no I can't trust him.
He won't pull that shit on me

Garron
Shocking!
I was with him for two weeks
And I can honestly say that they were the most peaceful weeks of the yr for me.
They were surprisingly easy
There was no anxiety no cases of the try too hards
It was entertaining and dare I say "sweet"
It would have been a very fruitful and loving relationship
But it came at a very inopportune time
My heart was with someone else

Which Leads me to

Wally
My heart aches just thinking about this
Just saying I love you wouldn't give it justice
This was on a level that I've never experienced before
My heart opened chambers that I never knew existed
It was overwhelming and I loved every minute of it
That's all i'm going to say about it because it's too much to bear right now
Needless to say that he's gone now
And every time I think I can find a way to move past it
I'm hit with another memory
It's like someone's using my heart as target practice

So here I am
Drifting
Wanting but not getting
So in 2010 I don't want love to visit me
It's not welcomed here
Come back when you do right by me
I'll try for 2011

Weebles Wobble

Some people just make it hard to be nice to them
I don't know if they do it on purpose
For attention or fun
But it's like they aren't happy unless you honestly wouldn't care if they dropped dead in front of you
And it shouldn't be that way
One should enjoy peace
Not fuck with it
I don't think niggas get that these days
It's the holiday season
It's a time to enjoy my loved ones
If you don't fit into that category then leave me alone
Don't make nice with me one day
Then be on some bitch behavior the next
It's a waste of time
So don't say anything at all
Ain't no #shotsfired pun pun nothing
Just puff be gone
Live your life far away from me

That is all

Empass

There comes a point in life
Where the person you think you are
And the person you are destined to be
Will war for your very existence
It will be epic pandamonium in your soul
And the victor will change the outlook of your life
But it might not be for the better
The question you have to ask yourself now is

Are you ready for the results?