2009's Full circle

This yr has been very hectic when it came to my personal life. So much has happened. I've learned a lot about others and myself. I know what I want and what I won't put up with. I know what I desire and what I require.
Yet sadly, I end this year alone.
So much for my wants and needs
So much for my hopes and expectations
So much for love...

Perhaps I should use 2009 as a blueprint for what to do and not to do. Maybe I should scrap it, write it off.
But I can't write off my feelings like that
So I shall reflect with my keyboard
I'm gonna do a synopsis of my personal life of 2009
I don't care who reads it and what ppl will take from it
Because it's not about them or for them
It's for me
So let's take it from the top

Timothy
I've blogged and talked and yelled about this situation until I was blue in the face. So to get down to it..I thought we be in a different place right about now
Last yr this time I thought we'd be together
But I'm glad we're not
I loved him..not as much as he wanted me to
O well, you can't force love
And essentially that's what he trying to get me to do
So things fell apart
He started saying some things, acting certain ways
I retaliated
We are all wrong
Tried to make amends numerous times
Still nothing
And that's what it is now, nothing
I dont care about him at all
Whatever love that was there is long gone
That's not a grudge or bitterness or resentment
That's my opinion of him as a person
He's just not someone I want to know

Milton
It was just sex
The sooner he realizes that the better
Hell it's almost been a yr since the last time
Yet he's still around
Asking for a relationship
But I can't be with him because he's not faithful
How do I know that?
Because he was with me when he and his ex were still together.
So no I can't trust him.
He won't pull that shit on me

Garron
Shocking!
I was with him for two weeks
And I can honestly say that they were the most peaceful weeks of the yr for me.
They were surprisingly easy
There was no anxiety no cases of the try too hards
It was entertaining and dare I say "sweet"
It would have been a very fruitful and loving relationship
But it came at a very inopportune time
My heart was with someone else

Which Leads me to

Wally
My heart aches just thinking about this
Just saying I love you wouldn't give it justice
This was on a level that I've never experienced before
My heart opened chambers that I never knew existed
It was overwhelming and I loved every minute of it
That's all i'm going to say about it because it's too much to bear right now
Needless to say that he's gone now
And every time I think I can find a way to move past it
I'm hit with another memory
It's like someone's using my heart as target practice

So here I am
Drifting
Wanting but not getting
So in 2010 I don't want love to visit me
It's not welcomed here
Come back when you do right by me
I'll try for 2011