I recently rediscovered this blog. I reread every single post and I realized...
How emotionally fucked up I was
I am 29 now and while I can no longer relate with the subjects, I can still relate to the topic. I can still relate to the anger and hurt. It's seems almost distant now. The people in these posts seems to be more fictional. Yes, I've grown out of the angst phase that clearly is a running theme in this blog. But have I truly gotten over the heartache that chained me? I don't have an answer to that. Despite what people may say about age, answers do not magically appear to you simply because you are supposedly "wiser". I find myself struggling to find the same meanings of life as I did when I was 22. However, I've become more advanced at a trait that I was always good at. Picking up the pieces and moving on. I survive, as I always will. But at what cost? I've grown so adept to surviving on my own that I forgot how to be with others. I forgot what it is to make myself happy. I forgot how to be comfortable with someone else. This hasn't bothered me up until this summer. My best friend got married. The love I felt for her and her husband was something I haven't felt in years. It brings me to tears even as I write this. I started to feel obsolete. Like that type of life was never meant for me. I actually started to take solace in that destiny. So why would I bother to write a blog years later if I still feel emotionally ill equipped?? Because, for once, I feel hope. I owe that to one person. The only person I know who will actually read this within the next few days or ever. And I wanted to thank him for reigniting my faith. I don't know where this will go. Maybe nowhere, maybe everywhere. But know this, I feel enriched to have you for whatever time may pass. So, what have I learned in six years? "What's for you shall not pass you". The truest words to live by. See you in another 6.
