If you love someone then have to let them go..How cliche. Buts thats exactly what i did. the situation between us was not changing and i could not foresee it getting any better soon. Contrary to your beliefs, i do care about your emotions, your peace of mind, your happiness. I could feel the turmoil it was causing you. Your pain radiated off of you. It filled every conversation we had. it hurts me to realize that i caused it despite my best efforts. Everything i've done was to prevent that but i failed anyway. i wanted to ease that hurt for you..so i did what i thought was best. i released you. i weighed the options and your short term pain would be better than the long term agony we would have caused each other
I...struggled with that decision (to put it lightly). Despite how you think, it was not easy for me to drop it. i cried too you know. maybe you should have listened harder on the phone that night. I am not heartless (contrary to popular belief) i'm glad you can switch off your emotions but I cannot do that. My love for you didn't disappear. It still haunts me. it makes me regret my choice. it urges me to just come back and say i didnt mean it. But we'd be right back to the same problem. What was the problem? Me. Yes i was willing to take the blame. i was prepared to play the villain in this debacle. But then i was made aware of your thoughts and feelings about our end. I respect your opinions and feelings toward s it. But this defamation of my character will not be allowed so let me retort
i am alot of negative things. but a liar is not one of them. and thats exactly what you insinuate by saying that i had not intentions of being with you. that i strung you along. that i played with your emotions. that i played games and tried to make you bend to my will. get the fuck outta here..seriously. That speaks volumes to me. it says that all that time i was fighting a losing battle. that i was never gonna get past your negativity and insecurities.
I was straight forward and honest with you from the get go. you knew my situation and my feelings..You knew it would take a while. You say I can't let go? what the fuck..did you expect to to wake up two weeks from my former breakup and be back to normal. What part of "love of my life" was unclear to you? Emotions like that dont just disappear overnight. It takes quite some time. Did you not get that? you go find the love of your life and then lose and see if you can pull yourself together in lighting speed. but i tried because i figured a shot with you would be worth it. I didnt need you to save me. I didnt require your help to get over it. I was doing it myself so you wouldnt have to be constantly reminded of his place in my heart. And i let him go but just because you let someone go doesnt mean you're instantly healed
All i ask from you was to wait..Be patient. thats it..i didnt ask for anything extra..you chose to tire yourself out with it..Wasted efforts. i just told you to wait. Quetta told you to wait..Did you think we were just telling you that to make you suffer? No..we were giving you advice, giving you the benefit of our knowledge. You're the one who was new to the situation..we weren't ,we knew what it was like to be in love. we know the importance of having a stable healthy friendship as a foundation of a relationship. Thats what i was trying to accomplish. but i guess i should have known how improbable that would be since you yourself admitted that you have had very few (next to none) real friendships. You didnt even fully trust me. You say that you've given everything to me and yet haven't got anything in return. thats bullshit..What have you given, really? information because you told "everything" (everything you felt like sharing, that you trusted me enough with)..So? And? thats what friends do. But even then quetta knew shit before me so what does that say. Everything you told me i've told you the equivalent to regarding my experiences.
So don't act like your giving all this love and got not in return. I said I loved you.. But because it wasn't in the way you wanted it so you doubted it. Because you couldnt have me in the way you wanted me all of my efforts were mute. You were oblivious to them because they weren't in the way you thought they should. how childish is that. You could only see what i wasn't doing. If you wanted someone to hug up on you and skip and make kissy faces with in public and gush all over you then you should have moved on long ago cuz you knew you weren't gettin that from me. You knew what i was and how i was and you chose to continue so there is no reason to act all distraught when i don't ac t the way you want me to.
So if you really feel the need to blame somebody for this mess...then blame yourself. You switched up on me. You became the jackass. I took every precaution i could to not hurt you and make this situation prosper. You had one job and you couldnt even do that. i'm sorry that i didnt want to give you half a heart. forgive me for wanting to make sure i would do right by you and not be plagued with regret for the past. I apologize for trying to build a lasting relationship with you that would give you the love you deserve..Im sorry that i couldnt fit all of this into your time frame
I was thinking maybe we could just have plain friendship and see if we could build it back up to the place where it was before you started fucking up. but now i see how you really think of me..and obviously you don't know me at all to think those thoughts..so "ehhh....whatever"
Your friendship is no longer required either. im so happy that your numb..i wish i could feel that way..cuz all i feel now is utter disdain for you and the whole situation. i will no longer hurt for someone who inflicted it on themselves
yeah i'll find somebody..or maybe i won't who gives a fuck.
but they will get cut too if they turn out to be just like you
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Barry Bonds that Bullshit
Posted by Tattooed Attitude at 10:58 AM
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1 opinions:
OK OK OK OK! LETS JUST RELAX AND TAKE A BREATHER!
As someone who was there for like (what I would consider) 30-45 percent of the situation could I just say that this whole "Blogger Warfare" thing is unlike the two of you.
I understand that he feels a certain way and that you feel a certain way but the truth remains, blame goes to the both of you and you know that.
I am not sure under what circumstances you two decided to stop talking but let me just say that you both need to sit down and have a conversation with yourselves and think is this how ya'll really want to end this.
I know it's none of my business but he is my brother and you're my friend. I only want what is best for ya'll. Yeah I know I can't talk given my emotional "unplugged"-ness(LOL) but lets just be serious here.
~G-Ron
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