Fool That i Am

"I'm going crazy,alone in a daze, and my heart ain't the same and I don't even think unless I think about you, that's the only time I get sentimental" - Deborah Cox

Love.
Its a fickle bitch
Thats why I try to avoid it. To side step it. But yet it catches you anyway way and leaves you stranded. i got caught again. unexpectedly. I fell for damaged goods

"Love, you didnt do right by me. To send me a joe with winter and snow in his heart, wasn't smart" - Rosemary Clooney

But i tried at it. I TRIED. some think otherwise. But its past the time to explain myself, to make him believe me, to make him feel my love. Yes, patience is a virtue. But i asked for the amount that he was unwilling to give. I could get mad and angry. Blame Him for everything but that just wouldnt be true. He may have collaspe the relationship but i didnt do all i could to help it stand either.

"I'm sorry for blaming you for everything i just couldn't do
and i hurt myself by hurting you" - Christina Aguilera

But there would be no point in that..Truly, there's no point in this blog. It won't make a difference. Its not a time machine. its not an eraser. Its words on a screen. They won't be internalized, like so many of my other blogs about this subject, like my conversations. the words " I love you" or " I'm in love with you" mean nothing when the person you say them to don't believe you. Believe in you, or Believe anything about you. So

"I think, God will give you someone,
So much better than me, trust me
Your eyes will be O.K., it will alright,
it will be just fine (just fine)" - Chris brown

But i'm getting too old for these..disappointments and i'm not so optimistic about love as others. So like so many thought, I will end up an old Spenser with 48 cats..or i could be like my aunt "miss Independent/World traveler" i will learn contentment with any life i live. But all of them will be plagued with memories of lost loves..But thats the fact of life..For now

"But we couldnt see eye to eye
So, darling, darling, darling,
This is goodbye.
But I still care, but I still care,
And oh, fool that I am" - Etta James