Something Personal

I'm an agry person and it mostly stems from my resentment.
Resentment.
It is the base of most of my negative flaws. Where did this resentment come from?
My life or lack there of. I live two of them, the one people see and the reality. I seem like this busy person with friends and a full social agenda but that's not the case. I don't have a social life, perhaps I should say my parents never allowed me to have one.
All my life I've craved one thing that I still haven't got and that's freedom. The freedom to go and live my life and make my own mistakes and be with people I want to be with. I've always been so confined in my house..couped up, always kept on a short leash. My parents control the life I don't want..and I'm always looking for a way out. They say it's to protect me, that my life would have been much worse without their rules and regulations.
I don't go out and no one comes in. That's how it is.
Every once in a while I can go out on a mandated outings but those aren't often. Now of course me being the creative person that I am, I've found a way to get out anyway and create my secret life. I've had it since I was 15.
It's allowed me to have friends and boyfriends. And it works 90% of the time. But I still have a huge restriction that average people of my age..hell even younger...do not have. And that angers me. I resent it and I resent my parents.
Like, angry beyond compare.
I can't stand this life. I hate it and it depresses me. So that's when possessiveness comes in to play. When I spend time with the people I love outside of the control of my parents, Im happy but I don't like to share them because my time is precious. But when I'm not with them I'm angry again. That's where the jealousy comes in. I can't stand when my friends are out with each other and I'm stuck in the house especially without my knowledge. It just gets to me. It make me resent them and that's not fair to them.
And for that I'm sorry.
This is my issue and my personal flaw. They can't help the life I live so I shouldn't expect them to. This is difficult topic for me. This blog was wrote for a better understanding. And to show that life ain't always roses but you learn to make the best of it. There's still things I can do to improve my life. And I hope this problem and these emotions will be part of the change.